Heres some pics

 My dog Buttercup

 I took this at the zoo in California

 My other dog Ace & my cat Tyga

 Our old dog Ceniso

 My brothers dog who stays with us, Ceazer

 Buttercup

 My girl cat Tyga

 Tyga

 Tyga & her brother Garfield

 My other cat Shira who was a stray kitten

 Shira

My grandpuppy Roukon who is now my moms dog

my week

Well this week was fun. Last weekend i came to vegas and hung out with my Best Friend SunShine. We had tons of from monday to thursday. She was into crocheting (dont know if i spelled that right) and i was helping her out untangling the yarn, we also watched movies and shows. She even insisted on watching one of my anime movies! (O_o)
She ended up liking it (^-^)
shes cool like that, shes genuinely interested in my Koren music and anime/manga. I love that bout her, shes really like a sister to me and even though shes 5yrs younger shes mature for her age for which im very greatful for because if she wasnt my friend then id have no friends since for some reason girls my age dont really like me.....its sad, pathetic and deprssing but whatever i dont need people who cant accept me! :p
Anyways the reason im in Vegas for a week is because i have to housesit for my moms friend for a few days. its quite nice in this area, haha well it is the rich white people side of town lolol. i dont have anything against white people, SunShine is white but she acts a little black. im a latina even though my little brother says i act white but thats cuz i had to fix my way of speaking so my friends could understand me (i had my own mixed slang)
so im here with my mom & 1st brother. hes also my young brother but i'll just call him my big brother since hes taller then me...well both bros are taller then me...ok so as not to confuse you anymore then you already are i'll refer my brothers as: Tiger (skinny bro) & Bear (youngest brother) (^_^)b
So Tiger lives in vegas so i dont see him alot & hes the dumb one. I live with Bear whos in school still & hes the most jerk-ish.
well Tiger has a certain ....thing he does & this thing is a stupid decision & now that he know ive accepted him & my mom doing it he thinks he can do it in front of me...no respect..& thats why hes dumb. PLUS! he tries to make me do it too! i HATE peer pressure! but of course i didnt do it d(T_T)b
well i guess thats all for now...bye! (^-^)/

(-_-)

(-_-)
I know I dont have a right to complain bout my life but I dont have anything to brag about it.
I wish I was stronger but my will is weak & my heart is useless so I have no confidence in myself at all.
Im feeling really down right now...i wish I could cry it all out but its buried too deep & I hate that....the sadness is buried but the pain is not forgotten
May god forgive me for feeling this way, for no longer caring if I die.
Im not afraid to die, im just afraid of pain. Really afraid of pain, I wish my death to be very painless, I pray it will

Feeling A Little Down (-_-)(_ _)

*SIGH* sorry....im just a little down today.
My moms puppy went missing yesterday...he never goes off on his own so I dont know what to think...maybe he's lost...well I dont wanna think about it.
...my car got a flat so I can't go looking. My mom is coming tonight! Her & her friend are going to share a place so until they find a pet one then her friends dog is staying w me & my brother. The dog is hyper so I dont really want it here.
I wish my so called friends here would do something...i dont know...like invite me to hang out . I just need to be with someone right now, I dont want to be alone....

Alone again (-.-)

So the party yesterday @ my new place went good. I didn't have as much fun as I wanted but I had more then I expected.
It lasted LONG! Until almost midnight! I was super sleepy!
But I had some good laughs. Everyone came but 1 person. I danced, screamed, laughed & scared everyone more then once. I was the oldest so I didn't really get their humor but I tried (^_^)
So today I made 3 batches of cheese bread but my mom had to leave (>.<)
She only came for 2 days & I only spent a few hours with her (U_U)
So her & my brother left back for Vegas. I miss them both already! I hardly got to spent time with them! I feel really bad! (T_T)
So now its just me & my youngest brother again....*SIGH* I just hope he stays in a good mood with me (((((( >_<;)
so until next time!

Void? Anti-social?

So I think I've become my character or I unconsciously predicted my future self & made a character of it.
Haha well either way I dont know but a while I i wrote a short story & in the ending the girl couldn't feel emotions normally, such as she couldn't hold a emotion for long. She would feel that emotion in that moment & it would become a memory later.
I realized at first that I couldn't hold a grudge if my life depended on it but now I can't really feel much, i kinda have to force myself to feel positive emotions (-.-;)
I also realized I've reverted back to my anti-social self from 5 yrs ago. I hate talking to people, my mind goes in a panic & my insides scream for them to stop talking to me (>o<)
This weekend me & my youngest brother are having a party so show off our new place...im already regretting it. I know I'll want to hide off somewhere but I'll have no privacy unfortunately (>.<)
But I shall try my best!
*SIGH* I HATE entertaining people... Its killing me just thinking bout it! (>_<)
Momma & my other brother r coming tomorrow! Im soooo excited! I missed them!
Oh! Last nite I had a great dream! It was super long & all over the place but I dreamt of the perfect place I wanna live! I actually felt myself waking up when I saw it then I forced myself so go back to sleep. But it was so my heart cried for more & my eyes drank it all. It was hidden deep in the mountains, fog flowed about, there green hills & trees surrounding. Its was too beautiful to describe...
Well I'll chat again soon!

*sigh* (=_=)

My father is so stupid! Cheap! Stubborn! & a real jerk!
I won't be able to go to my childhood friend's wedding this month....im so upset!
He never paid child support & we only visited him 2 times in 17 years!
Now he won't pay to have me & my brothers go over to visit or attend my childhood friend's wedding! He's so messed up!
....but I also feel a little betrayed by her.....she hasn't told me anything bout her fiance or even asked if I was still going... I know we live in different states & she's busy with planning it but.... still...it hurts
Im the one who keeps trying more to talk...we're so much alike but yet so different. I kinda feel left behind... I dont have any friends here where I live...all my bf's live in different cities & states...girls just dont like me very much for some reason plus im picky bout my friends but only cuz I was hurt before.
I like being alone but sometimes the silence is too painful....

not so good day.... (-_-;)

So today my little brother who is bigger then me was being a jerk. I keep forgetting to turn off the water when I fill the horses bucket so it overflows. The dogs ran off...again & I followed this time but I was in my sandals so I lost them. Then cuz our washer is broken we had to take a load to the laundrymat & my brother put them on the wrong cyle.
So while we wait for the clothes it began raining & my sunroof is broken so the rain is comin in. I parked under a tree & we went in the store. While shopping my brother continues to insult me here & there, I ignore him the whole time thankfully.
When we get out its raining even more. We go get gas & I pay @ the pump w my card but im too busy freezing to remember I have to stop it, so what happens? It takes the rest of the money in the bank for the week....
So now im @ home defrosting & trying not to have a panic attack. I tried to get up but I kinda fell down, im hungry & my body is too weak to make it to the kitchen. I'd call my brother but I won't b able to handle any insults he'll dish out...
My knees hurt from the cold  (T_T)
Can I cry now??
.........i think I'll try & get up again...ooohhhhh I feel sick (>.<)
I think I'll cry now.........well just a little bit...maybe

So we brought all the pets to the new place & the dogs took off for hours! Ugh! (>_<) But the cats love my room! (^_^)

Almost!

Hey you guys!
So im almost done unpacking my room. I clean the shower & sink, now I need to clean the toilet.
We need to set up the horse corrals for my moms horse Phoenix & bring him along with the dogs & cats.
 im sorry to say that my two dogs never came back & one of my cats have gone missing as well (T-T)
so none of the dogs here are mine & I only have 2 cats left....my grandpa might give me a girl from the next batch of puppies he has but I just heard that his wife wants to get rid of the girl! So I might not even get one of her pups like I wanted (-_-)
My brother has been acting the same...arrogant, obnoxious, rude, pig-headed, stubborn, stupid & reckless (>.<;)
I want to have a home warming party when we're all done unpacking so im really excited for that! (^-^)g
K, l8r alligators!

EXCITED! \(^O^)/

The electricity in our new home is on & the water heater is fixed!
I've been cleaning & packing & unpacking & moving & organizing & im super happy!
Its been great here & everything is coming together  (^-^)
That's all for today (^_^)/

Finally back home. So nice! But......everything is messed up! Ugh!

So @ the place im housesitting there's bout 20+ spiders in the bathroom. I stopped counting @ 20 but I know there's more (O.O)

Momma likes to drink & party. She had me @ a young age so I forgive her for trying 2 relive wat she lost....but sometimes its painful 2 watch her

I haven't heard from my mom all day...it goes straight to voicemail....whats she doing? Trying to distract myself but its not really working

Feeling sad...my dogs missing for awhile & now 1 cat gone too....i don't have any real friends here...the real ones live far (-_-)

sPIdeRs!!!!!!

This weekend im housesitting. Its on the other side of town, so out that you have to pass the "Thanks For Visiting Pahrump" sign lol
Its ok here I guess but there are SO SO SO SO MANY spiders! here!!!!!!!
I keep imagining them on me lol but for some reason I haven't been bitten yet, for which im very glad for. The bugs LOVE me so I get bitten alot & im allergic to ants so its even worse, so I hate going outside unless its winter time cuz there's no bugs.
Its too bad for me cuz I love being outside, just the thought of exploring something gets me hyped up! (^.^)
Oh! The power line to our new house is supposed to be fixed tomorrow so im hoping it goes well! (^_~)b   I've been waiting to clean my new room FOREVER heeheehee. My family is astonished by my urge for cleaning
So until next time! \(^_^)/
P.s. Hope ur having a good day! v(^.^)v

A bird flew in my new room! Although it was a common one it was still pretty (^.^)

Painful Night

So the other night was a painful one. My brother had taken his anger out on me again. My mom was out of town with friends,,,,again.
So I went outside to clear my head with the night's fresh air but it only reminded me that my dogs are still missing. Looking down the empty road they took has become a painful habit.
I sat down closing my eyes just listening to the sounds in the night, listening for her
I'm moving soon & the thought of not being her should she & him ever come back, brings pain in my heart
I tend to surpress painful memories & I fear I will forget about her altogether. I'm forgetting things, the sound of her voice, the color of her fur, the way she runs, & the intensity of her blue eyes, its all fading & I hate myself even more. It hurts so much, so very very much.

Im a control freak with my body. I just hate how it does stuff I don't want.....i feel so weak all the time (-_-)

Its scary when people read your heart. There are a few people like that in my life. I avoid them because it hurts too much (U_U)

Soon to be New place

Hi!
So last time I mentioned a new place I'll be moving into here in Pahrump. I checked it out yesterday & it does need some work done but nothing big. I'll get to paint my room so im uber excited bout that. There are lots of built-in shelves so thats good, it seems to be the same size as the trailer we already live in but arranged differently, somewhat longer.
There isnt any electricity now since someone cut the power line, hopefully it'll be fixed soon so we can move in. So I had this idea that I would amazingly transform my soon to be window into a cat door so they can come in & out of my room. It's starting to get cold & I, as a big animal lover, want to let my cats sleep inside but my mom is allergic to cats so they have to stay in my room so thats why I want to make my window into a door for them, great idea huh? (^_~)
So if anyone has any idea on how I can make it happen then feel free to comment (^-^)b
After my babysitting job today I'll stop by there on my home. So many things to do! but I love moving so I'm excited! (^.^)
Well till next time!

Great Day! <(^-^)>

Hi everyone!!
Today I'm super excited! I just got news that I won't have to move to vegas anymore! well i do like it there but visiting is enough for me. I think its too crowded & I hate having neighbors on account that I'm from a loud family Lol.
So! Me & my little brother will be staying here. Everything was messed up, stirred up, wacked, hectic & just plain crazy! but now its coming together. I get to keep my dogs & cats with me, I was really worried bout my cats. I raised my cats from when they were 1week old so it would just break my heart if I had to get rid of them (T_T)
The place we're staying @ is ok but I'll have the Master bedroom since my mom will be staying in vegas to finsih going to school for the gambling tables. I plan on painting it & building shelves, I like being really orgainized but if I know I can't perfect it in my own way then I won't even try but this time my room is going to be my perfect haven \(^-^)/
All I need now is to find another job, they opened a Denny's so I think i stop by tomorrow for a application. They're also building a Family Dollar store around the corner from our soon to be new place! (^-^)b
K thanks for reading! Bye! (^_^)//

This is my first post from my phone! (^.^)

Fun Weekend! (^-^)b

Hi Everyone!
This weekend I'm having so much fun! The Harvest Festival came in town so I spent all day saturday going on rides. There were lots of rides, food, people & animals. There were camel rides too! it was amazing! I wanted to ride one but the time I saw it I had spent all my money on rides & food.
There were bunnies, goats, baby goats, pigs, sheep, horses & cows. I saw this one bunny that looked a little over 2ft long! (o_O)
There was also a mechanical bull. I really wanted to try that out but I was too dizzy from all the rides & I knew I'd fall off right away (@_@)
I'm starting a bucket list & one of the things I added to it was "eat a deep fried twinke", there was a stall that sold deep fried food.
Well today I'm in vegas & I'm hanging out with my BF Sunshine, whom I had seen last weekend. I'm only spending one night in vegas but its always fun with Sunshine. I'm older then her but I act younger then my age & she acts more mature for her age so we kinda even out (^_^)
Well its time to hang out with her so talk to you later!

Missing them now

I hate the desert, this heat is killing me. I use to live in the forest and mountains, they always made me feel so much better, I miss it so much. My father owns part of a mountain so when i would visit him i would just love being outside.
Now im allergic to everything unfortunatly but I still try to run through the field of flower that grow on the mountain. He lives in a different state and he hardly ever comes to see us so we have to go see him but we dont get the chance to do that much either. I dont mind though, hes never been there so i dont miss him.
I cant wait for the winter, my allergys dont act up then and most of the bugs who seem to love me dont live during winter. Plus you cant fix summer heat like winters cold.
I might get to go there next month, my childhood friend is getting married so I really want to be there for her.

So Far So Good (^_^)

So my panic attacks have subsided nicely but theres always that one place that makes me feel horrible. This weekend I went to vegas and hanged out with my best friend. She moved into a nice new place so I got to have a whole room to myself, it was nice but I wish I couldve spent more time with her.
I saw my uncle whom I haven't seen in a while cuz hes a jerk and gives me panic attack when he gets mad at me.
Now that im back home I have to pack. We're moving to vegas as soon as possible and we haven't packed much. My little brother came back with us from vegas to help out. Hes been staying with my grandpa out there. My other little brother might be staying in pahrumpto finish school since his old one messed him up so if he transfers then he'll be lowered a grade.
I guess thats all for now :)

My New Discovery

I'm 99% sure I have a panic disorder since I was around 8. I'm 21 now and I've had little panic attacks here and there but thankfully nothing like when I was a child. I'm trying to cope with it as best as I can without having gone to the doctors. Hospitals are expensive nowadays and my family's not do as well as others so I'd rather deal with the pain by myself. I guess I'm the kind of person who never tells anyone whats wrong so as not to worry anyone, i'm very secretive like that. Although i'm always hoping my best friends try to help me but they don't live in the same town as I do so it's hard.

Hi I'm SweetPea & I just started my own blog (^_^)

This is my first time doing one & i'm not completly sure of how to use one fully yet since i'm a little technology challenged (-_-;)

So any advice is always welcomed! (^-^)b