Painful Night

So the other night was a painful one. My brother had taken his anger out on me again. My mom was out of town with friends,,,,again.
So I went outside to clear my head with the night's fresh air but it only reminded me that my dogs are still missing. Looking down the empty road they took has become a painful habit.
I sat down closing my eyes just listening to the sounds in the night, listening for her
I'm moving soon & the thought of not being her should she & him ever come back, brings pain in my heart
I tend to surpress painful memories & I fear I will forget about her altogether. I'm forgetting things, the sound of her voice, the color of her fur, the way she runs, & the intensity of her blue eyes, its all fading & I hate myself even more. It hurts so much, so very very much.