Heres some pics

 My dog Buttercup

 I took this at the zoo in California

 My other dog Ace & my cat Tyga

 Our old dog Ceniso

 My brothers dog who stays with us, Ceazer

 Buttercup

 My girl cat Tyga

 Tyga

 Tyga & her brother Garfield

 My other cat Shira who was a stray kitten

 Shira

My grandpuppy Roukon who is now my moms dog

my week

Well this week was fun. Last weekend i came to vegas and hung out with my Best Friend SunShine. We had tons of from monday to thursday. She was into crocheting (dont know if i spelled that right) and i was helping her out untangling the yarn, we also watched movies and shows. She even insisted on watching one of my anime movies! (O_o)
She ended up liking it (^-^)
shes cool like that, shes genuinely interested in my Koren music and anime/manga. I love that bout her, shes really like a sister to me and even though shes 5yrs younger shes mature for her age for which im very greatful for because if she wasnt my friend then id have no friends since for some reason girls my age dont really like me.....its sad, pathetic and deprssing but whatever i dont need people who cant accept me! :p
Anyways the reason im in Vegas for a week is because i have to housesit for my moms friend for a few days. its quite nice in this area, haha well it is the rich white people side of town lolol. i dont have anything against white people, SunShine is white but she acts a little black. im a latina even though my little brother says i act white but thats cuz i had to fix my way of speaking so my friends could understand me (i had my own mixed slang)
so im here with my mom & 1st brother. hes also my young brother but i'll just call him my big brother since hes taller then me...well both bros are taller then me...ok so as not to confuse you anymore then you already are i'll refer my brothers as: Tiger (skinny bro) & Bear (youngest brother) (^_^)b
So Tiger lives in vegas so i dont see him alot & hes the dumb one. I live with Bear whos in school still & hes the most jerk-ish.
well Tiger has a certain ....thing he does & this thing is a stupid decision & now that he know ive accepted him & my mom doing it he thinks he can do it in front of me...no respect..& thats why hes dumb. PLUS! he tries to make me do it too! i HATE peer pressure! but of course i didnt do it d(T_T)b
well i guess thats all for now...bye! (^-^)/

(-_-)

(-_-)
I know I dont have a right to complain bout my life but I dont have anything to brag about it.
I wish I was stronger but my will is weak & my heart is useless so I have no confidence in myself at all.
Im feeling really down right now...i wish I could cry it all out but its buried too deep & I hate that....the sadness is buried but the pain is not forgotten
May god forgive me for feeling this way, for no longer caring if I die.
Im not afraid to die, im just afraid of pain. Really afraid of pain, I wish my death to be very painless, I pray it will

Feeling A Little Down (-_-)(_ _)

*SIGH* sorry....im just a little down today.
My moms puppy went missing yesterday...he never goes off on his own so I dont know what to think...maybe he's lost...well I dont wanna think about it.
...my car got a flat so I can't go looking. My mom is coming tonight! Her & her friend are going to share a place so until they find a pet one then her friends dog is staying w me & my brother. The dog is hyper so I dont really want it here.
I wish my so called friends here would do something...i dont know...like invite me to hang out . I just need to be with someone right now, I dont want to be alone....

Alone again (-.-)

So the party yesterday @ my new place went good. I didn't have as much fun as I wanted but I had more then I expected.
It lasted LONG! Until almost midnight! I was super sleepy!
But I had some good laughs. Everyone came but 1 person. I danced, screamed, laughed & scared everyone more then once. I was the oldest so I didn't really get their humor but I tried (^_^)
So today I made 3 batches of cheese bread but my mom had to leave (>.<)
She only came for 2 days & I only spent a few hours with her (U_U)
So her & my brother left back for Vegas. I miss them both already! I hardly got to spent time with them! I feel really bad! (T_T)
So now its just me & my youngest brother again....*SIGH* I just hope he stays in a good mood with me (((((( >_<;)
so until next time!

Void? Anti-social?

So I think I've become my character or I unconsciously predicted my future self & made a character of it.
Haha well either way I dont know but a while I i wrote a short story & in the ending the girl couldn't feel emotions normally, such as she couldn't hold a emotion for long. She would feel that emotion in that moment & it would become a memory later.
I realized at first that I couldn't hold a grudge if my life depended on it but now I can't really feel much, i kinda have to force myself to feel positive emotions (-.-;)
I also realized I've reverted back to my anti-social self from 5 yrs ago. I hate talking to people, my mind goes in a panic & my insides scream for them to stop talking to me (>o<)
This weekend me & my youngest brother are having a party so show off our new place...im already regretting it. I know I'll want to hide off somewhere but I'll have no privacy unfortunately (>.<)
But I shall try my best!
*SIGH* I HATE entertaining people... Its killing me just thinking bout it! (>_<)
Momma & my other brother r coming tomorrow! Im soooo excited! I missed them!
Oh! Last nite I had a great dream! It was super long & all over the place but I dreamt of the perfect place I wanna live! I actually felt myself waking up when I saw it then I forced myself so go back to sleep. But it was so my heart cried for more & my eyes drank it all. It was hidden deep in the mountains, fog flowed about, there green hills & trees surrounding. Its was too beautiful to describe...
Well I'll chat again soon!

*sigh* (=_=)

My father is so stupid! Cheap! Stubborn! & a real jerk!
I won't be able to go to my childhood friend's wedding this month....im so upset!
He never paid child support & we only visited him 2 times in 17 years!
Now he won't pay to have me & my brothers go over to visit or attend my childhood friend's wedding! He's so messed up!
....but I also feel a little betrayed by her.....she hasn't told me anything bout her fiance or even asked if I was still going... I know we live in different states & she's busy with planning it but.... still...it hurts
Im the one who keeps trying more to talk...we're so much alike but yet so different. I kinda feel left behind... I dont have any friends here where I live...all my bf's live in different cities & states...girls just dont like me very much for some reason plus im picky bout my friends but only cuz I was hurt before.
I like being alone but sometimes the silence is too painful....

not so good day.... (-_-;)

So today my little brother who is bigger then me was being a jerk. I keep forgetting to turn off the water when I fill the horses bucket so it overflows. The dogs ran off...again & I followed this time but I was in my sandals so I lost them. Then cuz our washer is broken we had to take a load to the laundrymat & my brother put them on the wrong cyle.
So while we wait for the clothes it began raining & my sunroof is broken so the rain is comin in. I parked under a tree & we went in the store. While shopping my brother continues to insult me here & there, I ignore him the whole time thankfully.
When we get out its raining even more. We go get gas & I pay @ the pump w my card but im too busy freezing to remember I have to stop it, so what happens? It takes the rest of the money in the bank for the week....
So now im @ home defrosting & trying not to have a panic attack. I tried to get up but I kinda fell down, im hungry & my body is too weak to make it to the kitchen. I'd call my brother but I won't b able to handle any insults he'll dish out...
My knees hurt from the cold  (T_T)
Can I cry now??
.........i think I'll try & get up again...ooohhhhh I feel sick (>.<)
I think I'll cry now.........well just a little bit...maybe