Sometimes when I cry I sound like im laughing Sometimes when I laugh I sound like im crying There are moments when I dont even know the difference

Haven't been going there. Know I should yet I feel... I am no longer as I was, no longer... worthy perhaps. Maybe I never was or maybe im just tired of thinking

I went to my ex-bestfriends graduation party. It was nice to be noticed again & talk to someone other then my family tho she doesn't know when to stop talking

Rearranged my room on a whim last night and doing the finishing touches today (^^)

Frickin hate this day. 1) mom gets me uber mad 2) im real hungry so therefore im angry 3) wen I do eat I eat too much n get angry @ myself cuz I pigged out

Stupid Mother

So my mother had been gone a little over 12hrs on her 'Night Out', she insists shes a adult and she can take care of herself but we all know she only thinks of herself when shes drunk.
She always gets angry and uber emotional. At first I was like 'ok sure she wants to somewhat relive her youth after having kids and a abusive marriage' but now shes gone too far. So far that I've lost so much respect for her and i cry at the thought.
At least shes not doing that other thing anymore but then again who knows, whenever tells me anything anymore.
Sure we have to occasionally meaningful talks but that only lasts for a few days. If she doesn't want to understand my hurt then thats her fault and i can't force her but maybe she'll understand one day... Probably when it'll be much too late for reconciliation
So shes how now yelling at Chica (her friend who lives w/us) and they argue about how responsible she is. She didn't tell us anything other then a text @ 5am saying shes swimming... vague right? I know, it was a stupid text from a drunk.
She knows she should let us know where shes staying and what shes doing and when shes coming home but no shes stubborn, stupid and independent.
One day I'll find out shes died somehow or was kidnapped for human trafficking and i won't have known till too late, these things are possible, they happen everywhere and whoever says "that won't happen here, not to us" and laughs... well they are frickin stupid! There are some crazy nasty people in this world and if you think you're safe then you're wrong, no one is. No matter how poor or rich or smart or dumb you are it can happen to anyone in this whole world.
Anyways im glad i blew some steam off my chest, i can't hear them arguing anymore but i hear doors closing and people coming and going, i thought i heard Chica say shes moving out.... who knows if she really will. Maybe she'll drive off for awhile to cool down, she was pretty worried bout momma and momma was a complete asshole (yup! I said it!) we were both worried cuz of what happened to momma that time... gosh shes so stupid! And inconsiderate!!
Well then later you guys

I've learned not to stress myself out when shes gone for this long after a night out, its pretty sad. How can she act like this? After what happened to her.....

She thinks everything is goin 2b ok but there are freaks, pervs, weirdos, jerks and crazy people out there acting like normal people & it'll b too late for her!

Sometimes mothers are so stupid! Especially the ones that had kids young so now they feel like being young again but its too much!

Stayin in Vegas w gramps till Wednesday. Lost my bank card SunShine's... I looked thru my stuff n Sun looked on the bed I slept@ her house, still can't find it